How do I sell my soul to the Devil?

A QUESTION: How do I sell my soul to the Devil? How do I serve him in his dark satanic glory?

Answer One - The B-Ritual Method

It's not easy, and the ritual takes a few hours (if you know what you are doing). You'll need a cold room that has not received sunlight for three days, and you'll need a parchment of plain paper that also has been in total darkness for three days. 
You'll also need a pentagram drawn on the floor, in order to protect yourself, and you must stand inside it from beginning to end. Treading outside of it will make any mistake permanent, and you are likely to make at least some mistakes. 
Keep the air heavy with incense (whichever ones you like most), and do the ritual alone, otherwise your concentration will stray (and you may get embarrassed). Taking a vial of goats blood (NOT sheep's blood, ever!), scatter drops within the pentagram, but not outside it, and not on your feet. After the scattering you must not tread on the blood, otherwise you will carry it with you outside the pentagram.

Etc etc etc, blah blah blah, bullshit bullshit bullshit. The previous three paragraphs are what I call "a dark sense of humour". This is the answer that Devil Worshippers enjoy. Pure B-movie media exagerated crap. Doing the above is not only stupid, it is pathetic (...unless you make money from it, in which case use ketchup and tell them it's blood).

The following two answers are the ones I feel are proper not-taking-the-piss answers to the oft asked, "how can I sell my soul to the devil..."
Answer Two - Blatant Misunderstanding

The person who asks this question is most likely new to the Satanic subculture. They are most likely asking this question to the first Satanist that they have encountered.

Satanism does not, however, recognize Satan as an existent being. As a result, the answer of a typical Satanist to this question could be:

"Piss off you immature Devil Worshipper. Get a life and a job. Stop harassing us until you've grown some brain cells. Etc."

More efficiently and more informatively you could quote from The Satanic Bible:

"To become a Satanist, it is unnecessary to sell your soul to the Devil or make a pact with Satan. This threat was devised by Christianity to terrorize people so they would not stray from the fold." [ The Satanic Bible by Anton LaVey, p61 ]

Thirdly you could read up on Satanism, try Satanism for a start, and the other essays on this site.
Answer Three - The Good Answer

It's easy. You have obviously been highly influenced by the Judeo-Christian image of Satan, so the following method will probably appeal to you...

First of all, how was evil introduced into the world? Not by Satan, who can only come by invitation, but by a Human Being who accepted Satan by eating the apple. Remember that old Biblical story of Adam and Eve?

The tree they ate from was the tree of knowledge, the primary character trait that God did not want Humans to have was knowledge. Hence the first sin of Satanism - which is stupidity.

Knowledge (if you are interested in rejecting God this means theological knowledge) is the key to becoming a proper vessel of Satanic objectives. It's not an easy path, nor a particularily satisfying one, but the road you are seeking will lead you to the serpent's wish, that we beat God through our own knowledge of just how non-existant he is.

Satanism is the unreligion, the opposite to theism. Why?

The answer lies in knowing and exploiting the fundamental flaw of theism: It is not based on truth. Therefore our greatest weapon is the truth. The knowledge of science and theology is all that is required to destroy the myths of divinity."

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